Day 31: Research

Thank you, God, for giving me a love for research.

This morning I started wondering—maybe there’s a difference between thankfulness and gratitude. I’m not entirely sure what it is, but it feels like there’s a nuance worth exploring. When I sat down to reflect on my gratitude today, I found myself thinking that “Thank you, God, for giving me a love for research,” sounds different—subtly, but meaningfully different—from “Thank you, God, I love research.” Maybe it’s not dramatic, but it’s enough to notice.  

I think what caught my attention was this: the first version keeps the focus on God as the giver, while the second one feels more like it centers me. It’s probably a small thing, but I wonder if, over time, those small things matter. If nothing else, it’s a gentle reminder to keep turning my gratitude outward and upward, not inward. And the more I try to unravel that thought, the more tangled it seems to get—so for now, I’ll just say, thank you, God.

What I really mean to say is: thank you, God, for the ability to research—and even more, for the joy I find in it. Sure, everyone can look things up or dig into a topic, but for some reason, I truly enjoy it. Probably too much, if I’m honest. I love academic research, shopping research, obscure fact-finding, rabbit-hole chasing, and those random middle-of-the-night “I wonder…” questions that send me scrolling. My wife even gives me little mystery assignments to figure out from time to time (That is a fancy way of saying she loves me and prefers not to figure out what meaningless household appliance we should get). I just really enjoy the thrill of the hunt.

To be completely honest, I’ve realized in the last few months that I sometimes enjoy the process of researching more than I enjoy the finished product. (Don’t tell my wife, my guess is she already knows.)

And this is where the gratitude gets complicated. I am thankful—truly—but I also find myself wondering: is this a gift, or is it a crutch? Do I love research because it’s how I’m wired, how God made me? Or is it possible that I lean into it because I’m insecure, or afraid to trust, or don’t want to rely on others? Maybe even because I like feeling like the “smart one” who knows obscure things? I don’t think that’s the case right now, but I’m also aware that our motivations are rarely one-dimensional.

Gratitude to God is important—not just because it helps us stay humble, but because it invites us to examine ourselves honestly. It’s not just about saying thank you; it’s about living thankfully. And I think sometimes that means asking hard questions about whether we’re still using the gift well… or whether the gift might be using us a little.

Honestly, maybe all of these gratitude entries could carry the same cautionary footnote: “Check your heart.” And maybe that’s showing up today because my relationship with research isn’t always healthy. I mean, who really needs to know what the @ symbol is officially called, the health benefits of the color green, how to organize a soundstage, and how to use a digital snake? (Okay, maybe not the @ sign—but I did need the rest.)

So today, I’m grateful—and I’m also paying attention.

God, thank you for making me curious, for giving me a brain that loves to explore. Help me use that gift in ways that honor you. Help me be aware of when I’m using it as a mask or a hiding place. And help me to live gratefully—not just say it.

Do you have anything that you are thankful to God for, but you are worried it may be getting out of control?